I went to a stupid spin class at the YMCA the other day. I call it stupid for many reasons but mainly because spin does not yield to my natural athletic skills and therefore I love to hate how challenging cycling is. I much prefer a bootcamp or yoga class. Also, I can’t for the life of me figure out why people just tolerate these teeny tiny little bike seats instead of advocating for a bike with a soft and wide cushioned bench. Seriously, if you have to buy diaper butt shorts to protect your bottom on your bike doesn’t that sound like a manufacturing error??? I guess it's just me. Anyways, I’m glad I went to the class because it was a blaring object lesson on resistance. As a therapist, resistance is something that I must be highly attuned to in order to have any hope of effective therapy. Resistance is something that we could all benefit from paying closer attention to because resistance represents an area of our life that we hold dear and a pattern of protecting ourselves, for better and for worse.
Let’s first start by defining resistance (in a therapy setting). According to a Theraplatform blog post, “resistance is thought of as anything that stops therapeutic change.” In my experience, resistance can be conscious or unconscious. What I mean by that is a client might come to see me to reduce their generalized anxiety and yet when we get into discussing what that would like (tolerating uncertainty, some exposure to anxiety-provoking situations, accepting the anxiety vs. changing it, etc.) the client might change their mind and decide that their current level of anxiety is actually more tolerable than the process to relieve it and then choose not to participate in these interventions. This is called process resistance. Or a client might come to see me and be adamant that they want to stop their panic attacks but as therapy proceeds we discover that they don’t actually want to stop the panic attacks (especially if it involves allowing panic attacks to occur). They simply want to find some mind over matter skills to enhance their ability to hide their panic attacks when they occur in public. This is called outcome resistance. Neither of these scenarios are bad or wrong. In fact, the mere presence of resistance actually demonstrates the care and protection that these individuals have towards themselves and that’s a good thing! Unfortunately, neither of these clients will experience the kind of positive therapeutic outcomes that I can help them achieve when it comes to their anxiety and panic attacks. How therapy proceeds is the client’s choice and as a therapist it is very important that I work within the client’s goals and objectives. If mutually agreed upon goals and objectives cannot be established then the client has the option to try another therapist or stop therapy altogether.
Resistance isn’t limited to therapy rooms (virtual or in-person). We see resistance at play everyday in big and small ways. There are many things that we depend on for their reliable resistance. For example, we build and rely on dams to stand firm and resist the pressure of the water pushing against them. If the dam softened its resistance it could lead to catastrophic results. So, resistance in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. It is clearly very good and helpful in certain circumstances.
As humans we often use resistance (consciously or unconsciously) for good reason too. Our mind, body and spirit are at all times working together and in many ways to protect and preserve the essence of who we are and the life we have been given. Resistance is one of the many ways we do this. Again, this is a good thing, until it isn’t. Resistance becomes a problem, or a barrier, when it gets in the way of us living in line with our values, disconnects us from ourselves and others, and leads to a deteriorating quality of life.
When I was on the bike in that spin class last week, my goal was to get a good workout but I definitely had some process resistance going on. Every time the instructor told me to turn the resistance dial a quarter or half a turn up I groaned and complained or refused to do it. I didn’t care that Spice Girls or Eminem were playing in the background willing my body and legs to sync with the beat. I was not going to be tricked into riding harder and faster! My quads were already on fire thank you! It amazed me though that every time I reluctantly turned the dial up, and felt the burn a little more intensely, I got used to it and the resistance felt challenging but became more tolerable over time. Then, whenever I would turn the dial down I would feel intense relief even though that setting was my arch nemesis just minutes before. Because I had upped my resistance, the previous resistance settings were no longer issues for me. In fact, I went to the former resistance settings for breaks and relief. When I didn’t think I could turn the dial up one more time I did, and my quads and endurance are better for it.
Another thing that I was aware of during the spin class was that I had the option to stay at the higher resistance for the entire class. No one was forcing me to turn the resistance down. Had I elected to keep the resistance high, do you think I would've made it through the entire class? Do you think I would've been able to walk out of the YMCA without a four person team carrying me on a stretcher? Yeah, if I had forced myself to stay at the higher resistance setting for the full 45 minutes of class, my leg muscles would've simply burned out and not even be able to perform the most basic task of carrying me out to my car. In life, like in spin class, we must approach our areas of resistance with strategy, gentleness and flexibility.
What is the thing you are resisting right now? What about that person, situation or conversation do you hold dear? What is causing you to clench your teeth, dig your heels in, tighten your shoulders or slam on the mental or emotional breaks? What are you afraid of or trying to avoid?
Depending on the place that you find yourself today, and the context in which your resistance is taking place, you might simply want to start with becoming more aware of your resistance and get curious about it. Perhaps you are operating out of fear or a desire to protect yourself or others. Again, this is a good thing but I would encourage you to take some time to explore the risks and benefits of your resistance and whether or not it is bringing you closer to your values or moving you further away. Then you can decide how motivated you are to challenge your resistance and what you are willing to do to move past it. You are more than welcome to join me in the next spin class.
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