Skip to main content

Seasons of Suck

At the time when I wrote this, I had just gotten off the phone with one of my dearest friends who is going through what we adoringly call a season of suck. This friend has been one of my ride-or-die partners for almost 10 years now. She is what I call my "move-a-body" friend (a term I learned from Brene Brown one that I will happily share with you).

Move-A-Body Friend: 

noun

"a friend who will hide your crimes and save your ass"

Yep, this is the friend I would call if I murdered someone and needed to hide the body. Sorry if that was too dark for you but that's the truth of the matter (not that I would murder someone, but this is the depth of security and loyalty I find in my friend). Without this type of friendship or intimate relationship, I would manage, maybe do well at times, but I would be far worse for the wear. For this reason, it is absolutely essential that we have a friend or community in which we can share all of us- the bold and the beautiful and the brutal and the ugly. We all need someone to turn to when we are going through a season of suck. 

Like most people, I have experienced several seasons of suck and will likely experience many more. All were related to different yet related reasons but varied in intensity and duration of "suckiness." One of the most intense seasons of suck I experienced required not only my move-a-body friend but also a few key family members and friends, my therapist, and every other resource out there that was not a numbing, stimulating or illegal substance or activity. 

Different seasons call for different resources. 

Now, its her turn. Yes, she has had more than her fair share of seasons of suck before, but this one is the most overwhelming so far and has the potential for some of the biggest consequences. Thankfully, I am in a season of plentiful energy and resources right now and can be fully engaged and free to show up as her move-a-body friend. 

As a Christian, I attribute this to God's loving care, perfect timing and compassionate mercy for both her and myself. He has not ensured that my friend is in a season of suck, but he has ensured that she has friends/resources available to see her through her season of suck. For people of other faiths or those who do not subscribe to a particular faith, you might view this kind of friendship as fate, luck, or the pay off from hard work and effort. Either way, I'm grateful that I have her and that I have the energy and resources to be engaged and present and offer her peace, comfort and some serious criminal activity (if needed). 

I hope that you have already found your move-a-body friend or community and that you are able to endure seasons of suck with fortified strength, energy and resources that are not your own because of them. You do not have to do it alone, nor should you. If you don't have this kind of friend, and you are in urgent need of support, there are plenty of counselors, therapists and formal resources out there that you can access to help see you through. 

Here are a few options:

Better Help (therapy that is more affordable, convenient and accessible than traditional therapy)

Open Path Collective (therapy that is VERY affordable) 

Facebook groups (search for a group that pertains to your particular struggle/issue on FB and join it, be around (virtually) other people who are in a similar season or situation so that you feel less alone and isolated)

School and College Counselors (if you are a student)

Faith Organizations and National Groups- GriefShare, DivorceCare, AA, Al-Anon, there are tons of these focused and specialized groups offered by churches and communities.

Finally, take heart, because seasons of suck don't last forever. This too shall pass. In time, you could potentially be the ready and available "move-a-body" friend who can help others in their own seasons of suck. Hang in there.  

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Listen for the Refrain, Guest Post

I'm so excited to share some beautiful words with you from one of my very talented co-workers. Shanae Cartwright, M. Div, is a hospice chaplain, co-pastor along with her husband, and founder of Triple B, a business that seeks to empower women in business. I have had the privilege of working alongside Shanae for the past three years. She is always a calming presence for our staff, patients, and families and speaks with confidence and grace to encourage and equip people for whatever challenge they are facing. Enjoy! Recently, I was listening to Judy Garland's, "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." The words of the song are so vivid and stirring, full of hope. Songs have a way of evoking emotions such as love, joy and even pain. You can be full of excitement and happy one moment and then reaching for a tissue to dry your eyes in the next. With some songs you even remember where you were, what the fashion of the day was, if you experienced a difficult breakup, or what president w
Post a Comment
Read more

My Fenced In Backyard and Boundaries

We are having a fence installed in our backyard. Its not a privacy fence as we still want to be able to see and interact with our neighbors on every side but at about five feet tall it is tall enough that our dog won't be able to jump over the fence. For the past month and a half, every time the puppy needs to go out to the bathroom, one of us has to go out with him on a leash. Its gotten just a bit annoying (especially on those rainy days). I can't wait to be able to open the back door and send him out knowing that he can't leave our yard and can mosey his little heart all over the place before he finds the perfect spot and all while I'm still indoors! Its amazing how a boundary, whether its a physical fence or another type of boundary can actually bring freedom once its established and maintained. I've been thinking about and speaking on boundaries a lot recently in my personal and professional life. For one, its because I've been doing a lot of landscaping an
Post a Comment
Read more

Guard Your Heart

Perhaps burnout has been a companion of yours for sometime now. You've actually gotten used to it and adjusted your life according to your limited reserves. You've surrendered to the burn so to speak. You no longer beat yourself up for not having enough energy for everyday tasks. You stopped saying yes to requests and activities because you knew that you would end up cancelling or being a no show anyways. Your friend group and support system has shrunk because in their efforts to be supportive of you they began to feel helpless and their efforts futile. You started your caregiving journey with zeal and conviction and purpose and passion but all that is gone now and you are alone, tired, and resigned to the idea that this is how its always going to be. I frequently talk with people who find themselves in this place. I try and offer hope and encouragement and care and support but it often seems to evaporate into thin air. Its almost as if the person in this situation doesn't
Post a Comment
Read more