Whether you find yourself caring for your precious newborn, multiple kiddos, a spouse who has been injured or is sick, or aging parents, you are likely to experience some level of burnout during your time in this caregiving role. You might've even taken on this role already in a state of burnout from the basic demands of everyday life. While some people might view burnout as a preventable state resulting from not caring for yourself adequately or not having healthy enough boundaries, I would argue that burnout is a natural and normal part of being human. I believe that being a person who cares for and cares about other people is inherently good and exhausting and there is no way to avoid caregiving burnout unless you choose to stop caring altogether, and I'm guessing that's not an option for you.
First, let's define what burnout is. According to this article on Verywell Health, "Burnout is when a caregiver becomes physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. It’s the kind of tired you can’t fix with a single good night’s sleep, and it’s often the result of long-term, unchecked stress."
Symptoms of burnout include:
As a therapist, if you told me you were experiencing these symptoms, my next step would be to do an anxiety or depression screening. The burnout symptoms listed closely mimic what I would be seeing in clients who might be diagnosed with an anxiety or depressive disorder. However, burnout does not automatically mean you will have a clinical or diagnosable level of anxiety or depression. It's possible but not guaranteed.
When deciding if burnout symptoms meet criteria for a diagnosis of anxiety or depression, a therapist would be looking at the onset, duration, frequency and intensity of symptoms and this is what would help differentiate burnout vs. anxiety vs. depression. Regardless of which one it is, its a good idea to seek out a qualified counselor to help you further explore the underlying causes, helpful interventions, and develop your coping skills. Burnout left unchecked will likely lead to more significant impairments as seen in anxiety and depressive disorders. If seeing a counselor isn't an option for you right now or you aren't sure if your situation is "bad enough," here are two screening tools to help you get a better picture of your current level of anxiety and or depression. It is important to know what you are dealing with in order to be able to take the next right step towards feeling better.
So, hopefully now you know what burnout is and have more insight into your level of burnout and symptoms. Before we move on to the steps we can take to alleviate burnout symptoms I would like for you to take a moment to consider how experiencing burnout is actually a good thing and reflects positively on who you are and how you are living. I bet if I could see your face you would have a most confused look on it. You are probably thinking "How in the world is fatigue, frustration, and irritability a good thing?"
Well, let's look at the issues more closely. You are tired because you are giving of yourself to take care of another person. Is taking care of another person a good thing? Yes! You are frustrated perhaps because you wish you could more for the person you are caring for but you have limits of time, energy, resources, etc. Is wanting to do more or better for another person a good thing? Yes! You are irritable because you don't have time to tend to your own needs since you are tending to the needs of others. Your desire, despite lack of ability, to care for yourself is evidence that you do care about and value yourself. Is caring about yourself a good thing? Yes! Ok, you get the point.
For me, working with my therapy clients, examining and reframing our problems generally provides some initial relief and restores a sense of what's important and meaningful to us. It helps us recognize how our burnout or depression or anxiety is actually serving and helping us in a sense before we move on to adjusting it.
Ok, so now you have some, albeit small, appreciation for your burnout. Like Marie Kondo demonstrates when helping people clean out their homes, we will thank the burnout for serving us and tell it that it is time for us to say goodbye.
We are going to be like firefighters donning protective gear, racing their vehicles to the scene of the fire, and strategically and cautiously mapping out the best way to save the injured, contain the burn and put out the fire. Most of us picture firefighters with an industrial hose in hand spraying water anywhere and everywhere as quickly as possible, but talk to any firefighter and there is much more strategy and mental energy involved than just grabbing a hose and turning on the water. In some cases, water can actually make a fire more dangerous. In tackling our burnout out, it is urgent and we do want to move quickly but not carelessly. We want to try some new things but not everything at once. We need a self-care strategy and not necessarily one that is trendy.
So, here are some basic starting points to begin to alleviate your burnout:
1- Make an appointment with your primary care doctor (that is if you have one). If you don't have one, get one. Routine and established medical care is a great place to start in caring for yourself. What if your burnout fatigue is actually worsened because your iron is chronically low or you are feeling more down and blue because your Vitamin D levels aren't where they need to be?
2- Tell someone. Tell a friend. Tell a family member. Tell a support group or person of some kind. Heck, tell your pet! Just say it out loud, "I'm tired and burnout out and I need to do something different." Be open to feedback and suggestions, particularly from people who have been in a caregiving position before too. Just simply admitting burnout to yourself or someone else can provide some relief.
3- Decide what matters. This is so important and if you want to hear more about this concept, check out Kendra Adachi of The Lazy Genius. But seriously, you cannot care about everything. If you find yourself trying to give equal amounts of attention to feeding, clothing, and caring for your loved one as you are giving to vacuuming carpets, putting away laundry (who actually does this?), and weeding the garden while also maintaining a full-time job outside of the home and continuing to lead a Bible study or book club and walking your neighbor's dog and doing your taxes on the side, something has got to give! If not, you are going to be what gives. Budget and ration your time and care and stick to it. Its just a season. You can go back to caring about the other activities later. If you are not someone who has overexerted and overinvolved themselves in various activities, you might be someone that needs to add an activity, something enriching and life-giving. Again, decide what matters (for you).
4- Start small and pick one thing that you will do each day that is just for you. It can be as simple as sitting on the porch first thing in the morning for 10 minutes, doing a five minute breathing exercise or guided meditation, start taking a multi-vitamin (go big or go home), watch your chosen show for 30 minutes instead of only watching what your loved one(s) wants to watch.
I will highlight some additional and ongoing burnout reducing and prevention strategies in another post, but for now these four can give you a good place to start. The work you do of caring for your loved one is so important and good. Take care of yourself so that you can continue to care for the ones that you love without losing yourself.
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